Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
