2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
