it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
