the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
