I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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