He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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