I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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