you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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