i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize