The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
