we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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