do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
