Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
