I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
