Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
