she woke up with a sticky ear
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
