I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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