So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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