I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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