I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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