I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
