$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
