hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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