I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
