Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
