I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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