shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
