The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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