i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
