Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ugly people sure do ruin things
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
