oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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