Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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