you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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