Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
