You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
