Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
