we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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