How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
