so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
