you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
