All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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