Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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