You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my liver is dry heaving
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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