I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
