We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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