Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Randomize
