Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
