girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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