Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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