So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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