I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
