My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
