you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
