strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
