So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
