i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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