I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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