So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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