It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize