I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you win again, gameday.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
