I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
