Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
