i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
