dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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