I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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