your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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