I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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