24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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