We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
