She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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