just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
