shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
