I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize