at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
