Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
