; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
