there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
