Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
