I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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